Somebody's Watching Me

 Yesterday, while talking on the phone to a friend, I caught myself saying a word that I definitely didn't learn from my mother. It is a word that, along with 'crap', 'stupid', 'shut up' and 'suck' was banned in my home growing up and would earn us a nice mouth washing with dial soap. If I remember correctly, my mother in law isn't a big fan of it either. As the word came out of my mouth, I looked down into my arms to see some very big blue eyes watching me. Would I want my daughter to repeat that word? Absolutely not. 

Being an example to someone so impressionable is going to be tough. I am going to have to start remembering that there are always eyes and ears that are learning most everything they know from me and my behavior.  I am going to have to think before I speak in front of her and decide if the topic is appropriate for little ears. 

When I was little, it didn't seem like much was censored from my parents topics and conversation. Looking back, they did an amazing job at allowing us to be children, to discuss things that mattered to us in a respectful and interested way without forcing us to grow up too fast.  I'm not sure what they did exactly, but they raised three children not to swear (well, to very very rarely swear, sorry mom!). Perhaps because they nipped words like 'crap' in the bud. It is hard to make your way to swear words when you know it doesn't take much to get your mouth cleaned out with soap.

Hopefully, I can lead  and Abby can learn by example, because dial in your mouth is not fun. And I struggle with the idea of punishing her. Probably because she is so darn cute. 

Boxing Day

I cried today. I spent some time this week cleaning out Abby's closet, moving out the clothes that my baby has outgrown. Today, I placed them all in a (remarkably well designed) container and moved them out to the garage. She won't ever fit into those tiny outfits again. Seeing all of the favorites move out, seeing how small they are and remembering that she was that size once just a few short weeks ago made me just a wee bit sad. How has she grown so fast?! I feel like I missed it. I have tried so hard to take advantage of every moment she has been with us, to try and memorize her as a tiny newborn, to remember all of the firsts, but I guess this is a first as well. The first day I box up Abby's little clothes and store them for a future little one.

She is such a little dolly. She no longer fits in the sink, which makes me sad. But, she does still fit in the laundry basket. She has also taken to sucking on her hand ALL THE TIME. It drives me nuts, but I am not sure exactly how to stop it. She makes hilariously loud sucking noises and I am usually laughing to hard to really put a ton of effort into pulling it out. I should be better about that.

In other news, on Friday night, Mr Darling and I went out to Red Robin for dinner. Now that I don't mind hamburgers anymore, sometimes they sound darn good. So off we went to split one of Red Robin's famously large burgers. While we waited for a table, I told Mr Darling to win me a stuffed animal from the mini arcade. He allowed, without sounding too eager, that he had always wanted to try one of those games, but he didn't have any dollars. Being the waitress that I am, I pulled a dollar from my super awesome diaper bag and told him to have at it. One dollar gave him two tries.

Now, I have ALWAYS believed those games to be rigged. I don't know anyone who has won a stuffed animal. And with only two tries, I figured this would just be a fun way to while away the wait. As I calmly counted down behind the dear Mr. Darling, "Honey, 5 seconds!!! Only two seconds!! Press the button!!!!!", he systematically maneuvered the claw into position.

On try one, he was robbed. But on try number two, we both watched in disbelief as this cute little lamb made its way through the air and down the chute. We don't think Abigail will remember that he won it, so this little guy may make an appearance in Abby's Easter Basket.

Over The Rainbow

I am in a funk. I feel ungrateful because I am in this funk. I want to run away from all of this funkiness and get myself to a place that is fun not funky. Somewhere quiet, and peaceful. I want to get myself (and my dear Mr Darling and our sweet darling baby) to Hawaii. I don't want to actually do any traveling, so if anyone has already invented the formula for teleport, do share.

I want to feel like I am somewhere exotic. I want to see pineapples growing as shrubbery. Yes, I did just say shrubbery.

I want to see bright colored flowers growing all around. Mr. D and I went out to take some pictures the other day and he said they all looked awful because it looked like we were in a barren wasteland. Not the good, dramatic, "look at me posing in a rugged but beautiful wasteland". No, he said it was more of the kind of "how are we ever going to find food again" type of wasteland. I won't post any of those pictures. 

These pretty red ginger are way more fun.

As are these yellow hibiscuses. Or is hibisci? I always forget...

How about pretty purple exotic lilies. I think they are lilies. They grow from lily pads. I am not a horticulturist, but it makes sense to me.

I would even appreciate some cut flowers about now. I am just desperate for some color. I may have to go see the nice man at KWAL and buy some paint. I love me some kwal paint. Did I mention I would take some cut flowers instead? Maybe someone should mention that to Mr. Darling for me.

Oh, I think being in Hawaii right now would be so nice. Warmth, beaches, color, seafood. I LOVE seafood. But not this kind of seafood. Really, once you see one of these guys, I think you fall in love with them. Somehow, mullet and grouper don't inspire the same kind of loyalty.

Lucky for me, I get to go visit my parents in just a few weeks. They live near a beach. I miss the beach and my parents. I have been homesick for YEARS. But Florida is so gosh darn far away and so expensive to get to. It is half the price to fly to Maui. But, Mr. Darling loves me so I get to go home for two weeks. I am thrilled. 

Color, here I come! 

Let Laughter Be Your Song

Oh, it is busy busy here with the beginning of spring. My crocus have greeted the world with their bright purple flowers. I can see the daffodils and tulips have pushed up through the soil and are preparing delightful surprises for me. Spring has officially sprung.

And, amidst all of this, I feel frantic. I have too many hobbies and too little time! My garden is naked. I did manage to put down black plastic mulch and plan to shred the Christmas trees on top into a more appealing mulch. I did trim back my roses, but I haven't mulched or fertilized them. I am starting some veggies on the sill in my laundry room mostly onions so far, but hopefully I can hop skip jump out to the garden and get in some peas, broccoli, cabbage and spinach. Right now those are just little seed filled envelopes sitting on my counter but I hope to turn them into yummy veggies.

I am trying to organize my home as well. We are so blessed, and sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when to part with things we no longer use.  I think I sometimes forget that and think that she who dies with the most stuff wins. See this pile? It needs to go.

My poor quilt is neglected. I haven't touched it in weeks. I REALLY had wanted to finish it this week so I can take the binding class on the 31st. But with the lack of organization....well, I am simply not hanging out in my sewing room the way I would like.

But, here is the catch. Anytime I try and make progress, this wonderful little girl wants to play or eat. And I barely seem to maintain a sense of cleanliness through my home during her naps. There is just not much time for anything extra. But, at the same time, I can't help but think that these moments are going too fast and do I really want to miss all these fun memories so I can plant some spinach? Won't this quilt wait for me, rather than just pushing on with or without me? I think I will probably have the REST OF MY LIFE to clean and organize my house. So for now, I will focus on this ADORABLE little angel.

So, for you, Abigail's first real laugh. We were fortunate to get it on video. Lucky you!
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Three Mile Smile

Today, Abby is three months old. I suppose it is time I stopped telling people her age in weeks. She is getting so big! We had her two month check up last Wednesday (late, I know, move along, nothing to see here). In addition to the dreaded shots, Abby was weighed and measured, poked, prodded and tested. Guess what? She grew. A lot.

Please meet my twenty three inch long, twelve pound bundle of joy.  She is in the 50th percentile for height, for weight and for head size. The doctor was shocked that she hit all three numbers at exactly 50 percent. And, he was surprised at how strong her neck was and how easily she managed to hold it up and turn her head. Would you expect anything less from my joyful, super curious baby? She loves to look at everything.

So here we are at three months. She can do so much now! She can *almost* sit up on her own. She can lift her head off your shoulder and look all around the room. She can "vocalize"...a lot. She chatters nonstop and it is just so fun to listen to. When she finds something she likes, she gets very excited and kicks her feet, waves her arms and breathes so fast. And my favorite new development is that she can recognize Weston and I. Whenever she sees us, her face just lights up with the most gorgeous toothless smile I have ever seen!

I am not gonna lie to you. There are tough moments. The hardest part, so far, has been breast-feeding. Some people make it look so easy. All those moms at church quietly feeding their babies in the mothers' lounge (aka partitioned area of the bathroom). Our feedings aren't like that. I get frustrated. Abby gets frustrated. It is hard for us both. But, as we muddle through this experience together, I don't think I could love her more. She is so patient for someone so little and so hungry. Her growth shows that we are succeeding, but sometimes it feels that every day, every feeding is a battle we have to wage. If either one of us gives up, then we both lose. Luckily, I have a tenacious little partner.

So, another month of her babyhood is gone. Whoever said "the days are long but the years are short" lied to me. The days are way too short! At the end of each day I wonder how I could have spent more time with my Abigail. I wonder if I taught her enough. I worry that I missed something important that won't ever be recaptured. I marvel at her toothless grin, her funny half chuckle-half snort laugh. Her sense of humor is incredible and the fact that she can communicate so much with us without talking is simply unbelievable.

I will miss two-month old Abby, but I just have to hope that "The Best Is Yet To Come".

I Can't Hear The Music

I am bored. No, definitely not with my baby, who is adorable, as always. I am stuck in a music rut. I think I have listened to the same six cds on repeat for the last four months, maybe longer. I need something new, something fresh, something that screams "It is almost spring and then its time for summer fun!!!"

So, I am taking suggestions. I would LOVE something new and fun. The cds I am currently stuck on are Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, Taylor Swift's Fearless, Pink's Funhouse, the Mamma Mia Soundtrack (so fun, but only the first 200 times), The Eagles Greatest Hits, Simon & Garfunkel Live in Central Park and Yiruma (when I am in the nursery)

Suggestions? As long as it is clean and springy I would love to hear from you. It doesn't have to be new, just new to me...

And, just for fun, Weston and I ate out last week at Zupas, which is our new most favorite place to eat (I am really into trying new things right now). It is a fun little soup and sandwich shop that serves FREE chocolate covered strawberries with each meal. Here was Weston's crazy topped strawberry:

And here is Abby's hair after a bath:

Just sayin'....